So what’s the deal with human food?

 

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We saw you take the cheese out of the magic metal human food door. We saw it. Don’t even try to hide it, we saw it.

Ah, human food.

Any pup’s dream. Just the taste of those salty Cheese-It crumbs, or slurping up the last bit of that Hawaiian Punch that someone spilled a few seconds ago– quick! Get it before the human comes back with that evil thing that they call “The Swiffer” *whines with fear*

It’s truly no wonder that dogs find all human food to be a delicacy. Have you ever tasted a Kibble & Bit? What about Purina One? (What?…No, no…not me…I’m..asking for a friend..) Their food has absolutely no flavor, so to them, a piece of mozzarella cheese probably has an explosion of flavor, new textures, AND— “it’s magical, because my human eats it.” Have you ever noticed how you pull an ice cube out of the freezer, and when you give it to your pup, they seem elated as if to say “THIS IS THE MOST AMAZING TASTELESS FROZEN BLOCK OF ICE I AM NOT SURE HOW TO EAT IT BUT THE HUMANS EAT IT ALL THE TIME SO IT MUST BE MAGICAL AND I MUST SHOW GRATITUDE TO MY TWO-LEGGEDS.” (I got carried away, I always do..)

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“HUMAN THE SMELL OF THE BACON IS SINGING IN MY NOSTRILS PLS DROP SOME FOR ME I WILL BE ETERNALLY GRATEFUL.”

 

Anyways, so I am sure you can see why our canine friends might go bonkers for a banana, or crazy for a cracker crumb. And it’s inevitable– our furry friends will consume some human food at least once in their lives. Some people are extremely strict on what their pets consume, and I have also met others that shell out more grocery funds on Fido than they do on themselves. (Side note: has anyone ever actually met a dog named Fido?) While I am certainly not the latter of the two, I am guilty. I am guilty of slipping Humphy a tiny piece of chicken, salmon, cheese, and maybe even some yogurt every now and then…but what crosses the line between a friendly treat, and a toxic threat?


 

THE GOOD

There are some human foods that are actually very beneficial to give your pup, in moderation. Some of these tasty treats can help maintain a shiny coat, healthy teeth, and even ward off that unwanted adult canine arthritis.

RAW CARROTS

Great for pups that have skin allergies— a low-calorie treat that is rich in fiber and vitamin A. (That’s what’s up, doc..)

SALMON

Great for a shiny coat and a healthy heart. Just make sure that the seasoning is left off, and oh yeah—hold the lemon juice. Dogs find citrus to smell and taste like straight up garbage.

APPLE SLICES

An apple a day keeps the…vet away? Great for your dog’s teeth, as this treat cleans the hard to reach chompers in the back of his mouth. Be sure to remove the core and seeds, though. Apple seeds can be toxic to dogs, and the core might serve as a choking hazard.

YOGURT

Rich in calcium and vitamin D, this treat is great for prevention and maintenance of arthritis and other joint inflammation that takes place as your friend ages. Be sure that there are no added artificial sugars, and stick to plain yogurt or a very lightly flavored one (in moderation). Cool your pup off on a hot day by sticking this treat in the freezer for a few hours—he will adore you for it.

CHICKEN BROTH

This is great for an upset stomach or a new puppy getting used to eating kibble. If your pup is chucking up his breakfast, be sure that he stays hydrated by giving him a bit of diluted chicken broth.

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Human look at this physique. I can eat what I please.

 


THE BAD

Even worse than the evil vacuum cleaner…

You might think that you’re treating your dog to what is tasty/healthy for humans…but it could be extremely toxic.

GRAPES

Us humans love them. Frozen, on a PB&J or in a glass of some gas station boxed Merlot—grapes are a bigger part of our diets than we think. Unfortunately, dogs can’t process the sugar or break down the skin from grapes, and this can lead to liver failure and kidney problems—a serious and sometimes fatal condition for dogs.

CAFFEINE

This includes coffee, tea, diet coke, etc. Your pup’s heart rate is generally faster than yours, especially if you have a tiny breed, like a Yorkie or Chihuahua, or a puppy. Any bit of caffeine will raise his heartbeat up—sometimes to dangerous levels.

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I don’t want to know what kind of crazy this pup would be WITH caffeine…

ALCOHOL

*bangs head on table* I see this too often, especially when I was in college. I would go to a party and some ~supErrr fRattY brO~ would be watching his poor dog (likely named something like Alpha, General Lee, Trump, or Remington) stumble around after lapping up the Keystone Light leftover underneath the beer pong table. Poor Alpha cannot metabolize alcohol the way we can—his liver is not near as efficient.


As much as I’d like to think that dogs are just little humans with more fur, it’s important to realize that they also can’t process food the same way humans do, either.

Also, it kinda sucks that they can’t text you either.

With a wagging tail,

Hillary & Humphrey


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